You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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