the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
