My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
