Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
