We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
