she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
