I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
