fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
