you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
