Me too!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
