whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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