the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
