I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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