One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
