the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
