I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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