yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
