VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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