sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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