So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
