Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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