You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
