This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
