I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
