im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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