Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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