We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
