When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
