Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
