so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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