The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
