Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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