She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
