you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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