You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
