Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's always time for handjobs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
