a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
