Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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