try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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