if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
