honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
