I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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