I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
