Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
