yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
