Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
