"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
