i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just pee around me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
