Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
