put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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